Firstly, how do I have a 20 month old?? In four short months I'll have a two year old! In no way do these numbers make sense, but none the less, becoming a mother had changed me in more ways than I could have dreamed. I'm sure there are more than just 10, but this feels like a challenge right now, so I'm going to stick to this! In no particular order, here they are...
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| Reading a book to her baby |
1 - I still don't think I'm very patient in some aspects of my life, however, I have learned that I can happily do the same thing over and over to indulge whatever Lenayahs current game is. Just as I'm writing this I have stopped at least ten times to help her put the baby doll swing back together after she takes it apart. There are some days when this repetition gets old, but mostly it cracks me up that Lenayah can be so easily entertained.
2 - My sleep patterns have changed drastically. Although I do still value my sleep greatly, I do not go to bed at a decent hour (before 11 pm) very many times during the week. I would estimate 3 out of 7 days. This is something I am working to change since chronic migraines are starting to occur and after all, I council people to evaluate their sleep habits if massage alone isn't fixing the problem! I would also give anything to be sleeping through most nights by now...
3 - I have a stronger ability to feel love for someone at first sight. What I mean to say is the first moment I put my eyes on Lenayah I felt so much love for her. But now I understand better what it means to feel the love of Jesus Christ for those I come in contact with.
4 - I recognize my need for personal space. Lately Lenayah does not understand the concept. If she wants to be near me, that means literally on top, in my face, shoving, kicking and climbing to get where she wants to be. This is a very hard lesson for both of us to learn, especially after I've come from a long, physical day at work.
5 - I see and attempt to fill the need for greater compassion in this world. So many things about my first weeks as a mother sparked this. We had so much love and kindness given. From meals, to coming home to a freshly cleaned house, our physical, and sometimes spiritual needs were met. Our recent miscarriage in October only made this fire burn brighter. There is little to be said or done to help parents through a loss, but those who came to our aid must have been guided by the spirit of the Lord to ease our breaking hearts. On the other hand, there are many in the world without a good idea for what to say (or not say) while someone is struggling. We experienced some of this as well.
6 - Dates without Lenayah are gold! Date night before we became parents was fun, but now it's essential. We get to go out at least once every month without a toddler in tow and its great! The other weeks get filled with family dates. Those almost always involve food. What can I say? We are a family that loves to eat, and I am a mom who doesn't always have to cook! Myles and I should do better at trying to not talk parenting while we are out. Connecting on a deeper intellectual level is a luxury now and we should take advantage of it, but alas, Lenayah is our whole world!
7 - My body is nothing like it was before. It's mostly better and the parts I don't like don't matter. I can change some and I can't even touch others. My stretch marks are amazing to me. Because of the rate at which my belly grew and the size I achieved along with my genetics, I have plenty to show for Lenayah. There came a point where the skin across the middle of my bump was numb. I could feel with my hand that I was touching my belly, but it's strange not to have the belly communicating back. One of my favorite things about it all is that I have a freckle on my side that appears to have smeared because I have a stretch mark that comes right up to it. The pounds I have put on and been "unable" to get off since starting this journey is the down side. I am making an effort to combat this by getting to the gym 3 times a week. I have not seen much change in numbers, but my endurance is much better!
8 - I have a much larger scale of emotion. I am running out of steam in my list here and asked Myles for input. This was the comment he made with a smirk on his face, "you're much more emotional?" And that I am! On both ends of emotion! I laugh so much more with Lenayah around! Let's be honest, she is hilarious! She knows what will make us laugh, too. I can also tend to be very weepy. I remember the first strange moment of emotion when I was pregnant with Lenayah. I was sitting at the first basketball game of the season, where Myles was officiating. We all stood for the national anthem as tears ran down my cheeks. I still cannot hear it without welling up.
9 - I have learned that I can trust my gut most of the time. For health and parenting concerns! I was not raised going to the doctor for this or that illness. Heck, I don't even remember going to well child visits! It's nice to have a knowledge of the body to be confident in the way we heal through injury or illness. In parenting, I of course get lots from my own upbringing, but I have also found great resources in my other relatives and like minded friends. Pinterest is also life saver here! I just peruse until I find something that feels right. After trying it I know if I felt correctly! My bedtime routine came from Pinterest and it works wonders! We have mostly stress free bed times. On the other hand, my mom suggested I motivate Lenayah with food to teach get to clean up after herself. It totally works! My kid will do anything for a snack or end of day treat! Plus my house has fewer things to trip on, generally.
10 - Most importantly of all, I have drawn closer to my Heavenly Father more in the last 20 months than ever before. I foolishly try to do things on my own, but becoming a mother brings to light the reality that I really cannot do it all without the support of my a Savior. Both in happy and sad times I have learned to turn to Him. I wouldn't say I'm good at it in any way, but I know try as I might, there is no success that He doesn't have a hand in. He knows it all, I just have to give my will to Him and get to work. I try and teach Lenayah this lesson, and even in her busy stage of life she knows we should pray before we eat and she loves to hold hands across the table. We also pray when she is sad, or when we find something that was lost. I want her to know that God is ready to hear what she has to say, no matter the circumstance.
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| If nothing else, she's a ham! |
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| Working her life away with dad |
Becoming mom has turned me into a new person with a stronger resolve to do right and finish hard things. I know there is so much more growth ahead of me. And I can't wait to see Lenayah grow with me!
